12/2 Raw Recap - Who will be the Unified Champion?

Oh boy, where to start. If you were watching Raw last night you might have an idea what the above picture is referencing. If not, read on and you’ll find out how Sin Cara was able to pick up a clean win over Alberto Del Rio (uh, what?) in Oklahoma City then moments later check in on Twitter at a restaurant in Mexico.

But let’s backtrack to the beginning of the night.

CM Punk opened the show, blasting the Authority for apparently siccing the Shield on him last week. It wasn’t long before Stephanie McMahon came out to defend herself and her husband, Triple H, from these clearly false claims that Punk was making. Soon, Kane joined Stephanie on the stage and proceeded to throw some corporate, HR speech around about how Punk is way off base blaming the Authority for the Shield’s attack but says if he still has a problem with the Shield, he can take it up with them in a 3-on-1 handicap match at TLC. Stephanie also said something along the lines that Punk should be “respected and admired,” which was weird. But it sort of makes sense, in a roundabout sort of way. What’s the quickest way to make something uncool? Have an authority figure tell you that you should like it – basically trying to diminish Punk’s credibility with the fans by saying that the Authority actually likes Punk.

Damien Sandow vs Dolph Ziggler

Intercontinental Title #1 contender’s match

Next, Damien Sandow defeated Dolph Ziggler to take the lead in their series of matches but also, more importantly, earns a shot at the Intercontinental Championship at TLC. After the match, Sandow stared down Big E, who was on commentary for the match. It would’ve been cool to see Ziggler and E face off, especially since they seem to be buddies again, but I’ll take Sandow getting whatever exposure he can.

The Divas did some stuff

The Bellas and Natalya team up to take on AJ, Tamina and Summer Rae. AJ spent most of the match skipping around the ring which must have tired her out because when she tagged into the match, she ended up getting pinned by Natty. Later in the show it was announced that Natty would have a Divas title shot at TLC. AJ and Natalya are two of the most solid Divas in the ring and if they are actually given time at TLC, their match might be pretty good.

On a side note, I love that Summer Rae is getting to wrestle more often, I just wish they wouldn’t just shove her into these ridiculous Divas tag matches that go nowhere. She’s easily one of the best Diva heels I’ve seen in a while (based on her work in NXT) and is very good in the ring as well. I don’t necessarily want to see her split from Fandango but I do believe she could do very well on her own.

Bad News Barrett. No. Just no.

Seriously, this is the best they could do? He’s been off TV for months and “Bad News Barrett” is all they can do with him? I don’t even get the bit. What, he’s delivering “bad news” to the crowd or something? No, sir, I don’t like it.

After that Brad Maddox was backstage getting pushed around by Randy Orton, who wanted Brad to go tell the Authority some stuff. I’m hoping this leads to Brad being fed up with the Authority and going after Orton, but that will likely never happen.

Daniel Bryan vs. Erick Rowan

In what was the best match of the night, Daniel Bryan took on Erick Rowan of the Wyatt Family. I wasn’t sure how this would go, since Rowan is mostly untested in singles competition on the main roster. But he more than held his own with Bryan, being the aggressor and pushing the action the entire match. Despite his skill and tenacity, Bryan couldn’t seem to get sustained offense going against Rowan, even though he would eventually pick up the win with a roll up. The match was great because it showed that Rowan is more than capable of hanging with guys like Daniel Bryan but also that he's just as dangerous a member of the Family as Luke Harper. 

Although, I hate how this angle has been run in the past week. Last Monday, the Family “kidnaps” Bryan after his match, hoisting him on their shoulders and walking out. Later that night, Brie Bella couldn’t be bothered to act like her fiancé had just gotten kidnapped, opting to try and get an autograph from Michael Strahan instead. Later in the week, an article on WWE.com mentioned that Bryan wasn’t actually kidnapped – the Wyatt’s threw him out of their car in a nearby parking lot. Only, on Smackdown, which airs on Friday, Bray Wyatt said something to the effect of “Bryan will be safe with us,” basically saying he was still kidnapped.  Was he kidnapped or not, WWE?! Get it straight! I’m guessing he wasn’t, since he showed up to his match on Raw, looking very not-kidnapped.

After the Bryan/Rowan match, Bray cut a great promo from the Titantron, saying that the crowd and WWE doesn’t love him like Bray does; that they all just see him as a circus act. But together, they can “bring the machine to its knees.” It was interesting wording that Bray used. On the surface, he could have just been speaking in generalities but remember this – Bryan and Kane were once tag partners and champions and Kane has been known as “the Big Red Machine.” Could Bray be talking about recruiting Bryan to take down the Authority? Only time will tell.

After the match, Kane confronted Bryan in the backstage area and told him that he will also have a handicap match at TLC. Only his match will be against all three members of the Wyatt Family.

Xavier Woods and R-Truth vs Tons of Funk

Brodus Clay’s slow heel turn continues as his jealousy over Xavier Woods doing something Brodus Clay told him he could do boils over. The reasoning behind this feud doesn’t make a lot of sense (Clay said Woods could use his theme and Funkadactyls for his singles debut, then accused Woods of "stealing" them) but as long as Xavier Woods is getting screen time on Raw, I’m OK with it. And if it turns Brodus into the monster heel he should be, well so much the better. The only thing I’m concerned about is what happens to Tensai if Tons of Funk break up? He had a hard enough time getting over before he became Sweet T and if Tons of Funk calls it quits, what will happen to WWE’s resident Japanese lord then? I guess there’s always NJPW and the Bullet Club…

Sin Cara vs Alberto Del Rio

ADR started the match trash talking Sin Cara about being an immigrant and some other stuff which made it sound like he was angling for a spot in the Real Americans. Decent match but the real surprise came when Sin Cara defeated ADR cleanly with a swanton bomb. It really seems like ADR is on his way out after this loss. For months and months, he was nearly unbeatable but now he’s jobbing to Sin Cara…who wasn’t even really Sin Cara?

Yes, that’s right folks, wrestling lied to you! The real Sin Cara (aka Mistico) hasn’t appeared on WWE TV in months since breaking a finger in a match that I believe was also against ADR. On Raw, it was actually Hunico under the Sin Cara mask , if you couldn’t tell from his larger frame and tattoos. Sin Cara himself provided more evidence that he wasn’t really at Raw when he checked into a restaurant in Mexico via Twitter only moments after the Sin Cara/ADR match ended in OKC. It would seem that Mistico’s time in WWE is drawing short.

The Shield vs The Rhodes Brothers and Big Show

The Shield is back to being put in makeshift trios matches, which is great (/sarcasm). In a match that was mostly just there (thanks to Big Show doing about a bazillion of Khali’s “quiet, I’m going to chop him now” corner spots), the highlight was Goldust hitting a leaping top rope rana on Seth Rollins. I hope Goldy stays around after his tag title run is done. I know I’ve said this before but he’s in the best shape of his career and it would only benefit WWE to have a veteran like him available on their roster.

Goldicarana

Ryback and Curtis Axel vs Kofi Kingston and The Miz

I don’t even remember how this one ended. Was I even watching? I really don’t remember. The sooner “The Big Guy” is away from Axel the better, even though Ryback is basically the only thing keeping Axel somewhat relevant.

The Miz and Kofi also continue their feud, with Miz slapping Kofi after their loss. I don’t know what’s going on between these two, but someone needs to call Dr. Shelby stat.

Mark Henry vs Fandango

Good to see Fandango back on TV, even though the “Fandangoing” craze seems to be over. Mark Henry defeated Fandango but more importantly, seems to have eyes for Summer Rae now, showing off his slick dance moves to try and impress the leggy beauty. Could Sexual Chocolate make a comeback? If the WWE knows what’s best for business he will.

The Prime Time Players vs The Real Americans

The only thing I could think during this match is “Why is Darren Young trying to European uppercut Antonio Cesaro?” Well I was thinking that and “Oh my god, where can I get one of those Real American track jackets?”

Cesaro picked up the win, hitting a European uppercut on Young as Young came off the ropes. They also continued the “Don’t swing Titus – he’ll puke!” gimmick from Smackdown, cause I guess if something works once, it will work one hundred more times to the WWE.

John Cena and Randy Orton contract signing

They say in life only two things are certain – death and taxes. Well in professional wrestling the saying is a bit different. If you’re at a pro wrestling contract signing or wedding, some serious stuff is about to go down. Yes, I know that’s not an actual saying but the sentiment is there. Jerk.

Anyway, the signing, presided over by Steph and Trips, was held in a ring filled to the brim with tables, ladders and chairs because this segment totally won’t end in violent shenanigans. Oh wait – of course it will. Randy Orton continues to rant about how he’s the greatest champion ever and John Cena counters him by saying he can’t be that great since a guy in khakis and a ball cap has beaten him so many times – a completely valid point by Cena. Eventually shenanigans did occur and Orton was left lying in a mess of broken tables.

The most important thing to take away from this segment is that after TLC, there will be only one (highlander) champion in WWE and he will be called “The Unified Champion.” In  a surprisingly close WWE App poll, Unified Champion earned 38% of the votes with Undisputed WWE Champ and Undisputed World Champ each getting 31%.

The Authority promises that there will only be one champion after TLC, which makes me nervous about how the main event of the PPV will play out. The WWE would really benefit from only having one champion and if they do some sort of double switch or some other sort of shenanigans at TLC, I will…I don’t know, be very annoyed or something. Complain on the internet? Perhaps!

Closing notes:

-Whatever happened to Sandow wanting to end the “Cena Era?” That just kinda faded away, didn’t it? Nothing like winning Money in the Bank only to take a bunch of steps backwards.

-Kane called Daniel Bryan “little Daniel.” He knows Daniel’s stature is a trigger! I thought you guys were friends! Did all those sessions with Dr. Shelby mean nothing?!

-Korn is doing the theme for TLC. My only reaction was, “Korn is still a band?”

-The more Renee Young on WWE TV the better. I’m sure I’ve said this before but it’s one of the truest things I’ve ever said in my life.

-CM Punk loves West Side Story. (No I'm not making a gay joke with the gif. He sang part of Maria's song "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story.)

 

(Gif credits to r/SquaredCircle, Bryan/Rowan pic from WWE.com and Huncio meme from WWE Memes on Facebook)